As The Leaves Fall
by Moroi Mikomi
Summary: How would you feel if you found out that the love of your life never loved you at all? And even worse, if you were forced to try and win that person back . . .R
1. A Secret Revealed

_You're the only one he has left. . ._

"Come on, Kyo-Kun! Let's go walking together!"

"NO DAMMIT! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME ALREADY!"

"Kyo, you're so unkind…."

Forever, I have been chasing Kyo Sohma, the love of my life. Forever, he has shunned me. I guess any other fool would have given up, thrown in the towel, and said good-bye. But not me….I suppose I have deeper reasons for loving and protecting Kyo so much…more than the average person, anyway.

"FINE! WE'LL WALK! BUT ONLY FOR TEN MINUTES!"

I take his arm and lead him down the road.

_He needs you. You'll accept him. . ._

"Where are you going?" I hear a young, female voice yell.

"We're going on a walk, Tohru," I said, and I dragged Kyo away.

"Have fun!" she shrieks.

Kyo casts a look of annoyance in both mine and Tohru's direction, and I continue to pull him further down the road. Tohru…what can I say? She's been great for Kyo, but in reality, she's only made my job harder. Following him everywhere, accepting his _real _form…I never thought it would be that simple for any other person to accept Kyo. I always assumed I would be the only one, that he would _always_ be mine…even if he didn't really love me. Was I so wrong to assume that? Was it wrong to be that selfish?

"Oh, it's been ten minutes…time to go back!"

And Kyo darts back down the road. . .with my heart.

"You're back so soon!" Tohru exclaims. "Would you like something to eat?"

"No," Kyo says. "I want some time to myself." He, of course, stares right in my direction.

_I know you're young... but you'll understand…_

I walk over to Tohru and start meaningless chatter that has no point…she's so kind. I know she would be great for Kyo…but I don't know what I'd do if they fell in love. I would be like a book with no pages: having no purpose.

"I'm going to go check on Kyo," says Tohru, and she goes outside. Well, I'm not surprised. She's always so concerned about him…..it almost makes me jealous, in a way. I can't always be there, and she can.

I watch her walk outside towards Kyo. She talks to him and pats his shoulder. And the best part is he smiles…he really smiles when she is around him. At this point, I have to turn around and let the tears come down slowly, one by one. . .

_I would never want anyone else to be with him…_

The dog sees me…I conceal my tears for allergies. He knows, though. He knows _everything_…all that I was asked to do…and what I may not be able to.

"You know, you don't have to do what she expects of you. Kyo may be better off this way."

"But I love him Shigure," I whisper, and the tears come back again. "It's not that simple anymore. Through trying to know him, I've actually come to care about him. And now, it hurts that I may not be able to do what she asked. I can't live knowing that he may never love me."

"But you can't make someone love you…and whether you want to believe or not, you cannot make someone as rash as Kyo love you. It's just not possible."

"You haven't told him, have you?"

"No, never. I'm better at keeping secrets than you suspect."

The phone rings. It's Shigure's editor. I walk back to the window. They're still out there, talking, laughing, sharing memories…and I have to hold back the tears in case they see. So I focus on one thing. I choose a tree. Because it's fall, the leaves have shriveled up and died. Only a bare trunk with thin, worn branches remains. The tears dry up and I make sure I look composed and happy. Then I look back at Kyo and Tohru.

But they are nowhere to be seen.

I run outside and scan the yard for them. They are nowhere…I wonder where they have run off to.

"KYO-KUN!" I scream. The windows shatter into a thousand pieces.

No one turns around. And no one appears.

I fall down into the grass and let out another piercing scream. _It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to be like this._

I take a letter out of my kitty backpack. The edges are yellow and frayed, falling apart with age. It's addressed "Kagura Sohma: Open Immediately. Disclose to no one."

_It's too late for this…I couldn't do this…I failed…_

I open the envelope and remove the piece of paper…the paper that helped me hang onto Kyo through so many years…the paper that will be read for the last time.

_Kagura:_

_It seems like only yesterday that you were saying "Come, Kyo! Come play with me!" I smile on those days with a warm heart. You are still small, Kagura, and so young, but I feel that this is my final hour. I know that you will not understand at first. You will not know why I am no longer there. But I have one thing to ask of you: look after Kyo. Stay with him, protect him. Learn to love him the way that I should have. You're the only one he has left, for there is no one else for him to go to after this. He needs you. You'll accept him, something else that I could never do. You have the great ability to adapt and understand people, and that will take you great places someday. I know you're young, but I also know that you'll understand. I would never want anyone else to be with him. So, this is good-bye. Stay strong, for Kyo and for yourself. And always tell Kyo how much his mother loved him. He needs to hear that._

_Good-Bye_


	2. A Heart Broken

A/N: okay, sorry this took so long! I had no idea where to go next, but I think I finally have it figured out….just so everyone knows, this is no longer a one-shot! So what will Kagura do with letter? Where was Shigure? And where in the hell did Kyo and Tohru go? Guess you'll have to find out…

Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits-Basket or any of the characters

Chapter Two

"_Come on, Kyou-Kun! Let's go play!"_

"_Okay!" said the playful, orange-haired boy._

I read the letter for the last time. "It's over . . . no more . . ."

I crawled over to the tree I was looking at earlier . . .the long branches and bareness of it seemed to comfort me. I wanted to tear the letter apart, to rip it into a thousand shreds. I wanted to burn it and throw its ashes across the sea, as well as my heart. But I did not have the energy to even stand up.

_You can do this . . . just let it go . . ._

"NO!" I screamed, and thus another window broke. If Shigure wasn't angry before, I'm sure he would be angry now. Light gave way to darkness, and before I realized it, sleep overcame me beneath the nakedness of the tree.

"_Just leave me alone, Kagura! Just go the hell away!"_

"_I can't do that Kyo. It's not that simple."_

"_Then WHAT is it? Is there some secret that you're not telling me?"_

"_Kyo . . . I've wanted to tell you for so long . . ."_

"_It's too late now, bitch! I hate you. I've always hated you. Why do you stay when you know that I hate you! Why do you try to act nice ALL THE TIME! You're just like my mother. . ."_

"_No Kyou-Kun! It's not like that─"_

"_Just GO AWAY! I can't even stand to look at you, you're so ugly."_

A shadow seemed to cloud my vision. I sat up, but I knew not where I was. Then I remembered . . . the letter . . . a promise I couldn't keep . . . just the memory was unbearable. I began to cry and shiver with the cold. I realized that, deep down, there was no one looking for me, wondering where I am. I . . . was alone.

Suddenly, I felt a piece of paper between my balled-up fists.

"Oh no. . . it's _still_ there . . ."

"What's still there?"

I jerked upright at the sound of another voice behind me and my vision came back into focus. I looked around and saw a blanket draped over my shoulders, and Shigure sitting beside me.

"Nothing. It doesn't matter anymore."

"Then you must know that Kyo and Tohru have run off together."

"Yes, but where?" I cried. "It doesn't make any sense. I loved Kyo, and I truly thought that he loved me."

Shigure looked down at me with kind, but wounded, eyes, and I gave him a worried expression. "No, nothing is wrong with me, I'm also wondering where they may have run off to. Either way, we will have to tell Akito."

"NO! Please, let's just wait here a few more days and see if they return. They may have gone to get things for the house─"

"And spent the entire night out? I don't think so." Shigure sighed. "However . . .I suppose we could wait three days . . ."

"Really Gure-san? Oh you are wonderful!" I said, and I hugged him. "And I will be staying, whether you like it or not."

"Oh, I don't mind. It's just me right now anyway, since Yuki has also left for a student council trip."

"I hope they'll be back soon . . ."

"Don't worry, Kagura. Things happen for a reason, and maybe you'll figure out how things are supposed to be during this time."


	3. The Chance

A/N: okay, chapter two was kinda like a transition chapter I suppose . . . more will happen in this chapter, I promise!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits-Basket or any of its character

**The Chance**

While Shigure was typing away at a new novel, I decided to go outside and sit on the roof, which was Kyo's favorite spot. I dragged my guitar along with me (A/N: the manga never really goes into her talents, so I gave her one!) and started strumming a few chords. I began to sing a few lines from a song I remembered (A/N: the song is "I can't get over you" sung by Julie Roberts. Country, I know.).

_I've been tryin' for a long, long time_

_But no matter what I do_

_When I turn to leave, my heart stays behind_

'_Cause I can't get over you_

A tear ran down my face, but I continued to sing. The song reminded me of Kyo . . . of everything that I may have lost.

_I keep movin' on, runnin' hard and fast_

_But everywhere that I run to_

_I'm just standin' still, livin' in the past_

'_Cause I can't get over you_

I had to stop. The tears were coming faster, and I heard the ladder shake.

"What are you playing?" Shigure asked.

"Nothing, just something that was stuck in my head."

"Play it for me. Please."

I gave up and continued with the song.

_If memories were like the leaves that fall_

_The wind would have carried them from my mind_

_The seasons pass, but they never change_

_A broken heart can't keep time_

"I don't know why you're so depressed," Shigure commented. I gave him a confused look. "I mean, you've always said you loved him, but I honestly think you could do better. He's such an ass anyway."

"I don't know if I deserve better," I said, looking straight into Shigure's eyes. They were complex; they held secrets inside that I could not understand. But they were beautiful eyes.

"You _do_ deserve better. You do," Shigure said, and he moved closer towards me. For a moment, time stood still. Neither one of us spoke; for we let our eyes do all the talking.

"The phone's ringing," I said. Shigure sighed and returned to the house.

I waited for about thirty minutes, but still no sign of Shigure. _Maybe it was his editor. _I climbed down the ladder and walked back into the house.

"_Let's get married someday!"_

"_Okay! I do!" he said, holding the little girl's hand._

I heard Shigure's voice in his study, only it was louder than usual. I walked past the door and listened for a moment.

"And you're just NOW telling me this? I thought you were growing up."

_On second thought, maybe it's Kyo. _I knew what I had to do.

I walked into the kitchen and reached for the other cordless phone.

I picked it up . . .

**A/N: Don't you all just LOVE cliffhangers! Sorry it was so short…I'll update soon!**


	4. Surprises

**A/N: So, are you ready…..? I hope so! This is going to be a big chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits-Basket or any of its characters.**

Chapter 4: Surprises

I walked into the kitchen and reached for the other cordless phone.

I picked it up . . . and held the receiver to my ear.

"How could you do this?" Shigure demanded. I held my breath. "How could you do something so senseless? Especially with Tohru? You do realize─"

"YES I KNOW OKAY! You don't need to remind me of every little thing that's going to happen. Tohru wanted this too. So stop making me out to be the bad guy! YOU ALWAYS DO THIS!"

"But to run off to America? And, of all things, elope? Senseless, senseless, senseless . . . but then again, maybe I should have been expecting this. Maybe I should have realized that, underneath that rough exterior, there _was_ an idiot inside all along."

"JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN OKAY! Tohru and I, we're probably not coming back─"

Just then my heart stopped. I let out a small scream and dropped the phone.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

"Kyo…I'm here. Oh no," Shigure said into the phone, and he leaned out of his study. "Kagura . . . Kagura!"

I left the phone on the floor and went running.

"Kagura! Kagura, WAIT!"

I continued running. There was no one that could help me now. I flew into the woods and let the tears pour down my face. I didn't know where I was going, but I couldn't go back. I just _couldn't_. How could face Shigure? What would I tell him?

As I ran deeper and deeper into the woods, the sun set and darkness developed. I realized that I was lost, but there was no where that I could go.

"_Let's go play in the woods!" said the cat._

"_No, I can't. It's scary," said the boar._

"_Don't worry, Kagura. I'll be with you so we'll never get lost. I know where I'm going."_

"_Do you mean that, Kyou-kun?"_

"_Of course I do. I'll make sure that nothing happens when we go in the woods. That's what people do. We look out for each other."_

_The little girl reluctantly took the orange-haired boy's hand and followed him into the forest._

It was all coming back . . . all the memories, all the anxiety. For the first time in my life, I was lost. I wanted to run back to Shigure's. I wanted to tell him the pain I was in and have someone be there for me. Since I had no idea which direction to turn back, though, I stopped running and stayed where I was. I collapsed next to an old tree (A/N: she HAS been running for a really long time) and my eyes began to feel heavy. The last thing I remember was a shadow looming over me and cold, distant thunder.

The Next Day

I woke up to the wafting smell of coffee and the feeling of warm, fuzzy blankets. My eyes jumped open and I looked around. _This wasn't where I was last night! Are my eyes deceiving me!_ I sat up and looked around . . . yes, I was definitely back at Shigure's house, but HOW?

"Morning," Shigure said, bringing me a cup of coffee. "And how are we feeling on this bright, sunny day?"

"How did you find me? What about the storm? And more importantly, why did you care?"

"First off, I found you by asking other dogs for help. The storm passed as we found you, and trust me, you were soaked. I'm surprised you don't have a cold. And finally, I cared because we've known each other for a long time. I wasn't expecting you to listen in on my phone conversation with Kyo, although now that I think about it, I should have been more prepared. I know you love him, but sadly, I don't think Kyo will ever come back. Not unless he actually _wants_ to be beaten to death by Akito."

"No, I would never wish that on him," I said, and then I started to cry. Shigure moved over and gave me a hug, and we remained that way for a long time. I parted and stared into his eyes. There was still a secret inside those beautiful eyes that I couldn't grasp, mainly because he wouldn't let me inside.

"Shigure, what's burning?"

"Oops . . . I forgot, I was trying to make breakfast!"

"How do you forget something that important?"

"With me, anything is possible," Shigure said. I stared into his eyes one more time.

"You're hiding something."

"No, I'm not."

"Well, I think you are. Tell me. _Tell me_, Gure-san."

By this time the smoke detectors had gone off, and the kitchen was full of smoke. Shigure left me and grabbed the fire extinguisher. "If I was a fire extinguisher, how would I work?" he asked himself aloud.

_Okay, he's really hiding something. _I gave up and went back to Tohru's room, where I had left my guitar. I ascended the ladder and began to play again. (A/N: This song is called "The Good Kind" by The Wreckers; it's off the One Tree Hill soundtrack…really good cd!)

"_Do you wanna run away together?"_

_I would say it was your best line, ever._

_Too bad I fell for it . . ._

_And I walked alone_

_Waiting for you to come along_

_Take my tortured heart by the hand, and write me off . . ._

_Do you know I cry?_

_Do you know I die?_

_Do you know I cry?_

_And it's not the good kind . . ._

Shigure walked outside to get the mail. Luckily, he didn't hear me or see me sitting on the roof, for I had started crying again.

_You forced me to become strong_

_And I just cried, being weak._

_And you think you know,_

_And I would like to think so,_

_But do you know that when you go_

_I fall apart?_

_Do you know I cry?_

_Do you know I die?_

_Do you know I cry?_

_And it's not the good kind . . ._

I went inside to go the bathroom and placed my guitar inside Tohru's room again. The song continued to play inside my head though. I looked at my reflection in the mirror.

_I'm tired of hiding behind these lying eyes_

_I'm tired of this smile that I don't even recognize_

I wiped away my tears and continued to smile, even though my heart told me to do otherwise.

_Do you know I cry?_

_Do you know I die?_

_Do you know I cry?_

_And it's not the good kind . . ._

_No you're not the good kind . . ._

I walked out of the bathroom and stared at Shigure, writing away in his study. I pondered over what had happened this morning, at the secret he was hiding.

_Do you know I cry?_

_Oh, it's not the good kind . . ._

The door opened, and I jumped. At the same moment, Shigure looked up and saw me standing outside his study. He smiled and said "Do you know who that was?"

"No," I answered. "But whoever it is…sure likes to make noise." Noises continued throughout the house until the person returned downstairs. Shigure's face lost some of its color. _Oh no . . . the student council trip . . . Yuki._

Yuki walked into the room with a look of confusion and anger stamped on his face, and I dreaded the question he was about to ask.

"Where is my girlfriend? Where is Tohru?"

**A/N: Bet you weren't expecting that, were you? It's sort of a cliffhanger again . . . sorry! But it IS longer. I will update as soon as I know what will happen next (so probably within a day or too). Please review!**


	5. What is Love

**A/N: I'm sorry for all the cliffhangers, I promise there will not be one this time! I'm also sorry for it taking so long! Well, here's the next chapter!**

Chapter 4: What is Love

"I said, WHERE IS TOHRU?" Yuki yelled, raising his voice with every word. I looked over at Shigure. _This is not going to end well._

"There is something that you need to understand," Shigure said. He looked at me and turned back to Yuki. "You see, Kyo─"

"I knew it! That stupid cat! He always loved Tohru, but I never thought he'd run away and force her to leave with him." Yuki sighed. "That's all, isn't it? And where did Kyo take her?"

"Um, Yuki, Kyo and Tohru went to America . . . and he didn't exactly, uh, _force_ her to go with him . . . if you catch my drift . . ."

I looked at Yuki. The fire that had shone so bright in his eyes was replaced with sadness and fear. He didn't even know the whole story, yet he already seemed so torn.

"When are we going to go get them? Akito won't be happy; Tohru's memory may have to be erased."

"That's it . . . you see, when they went to America, they . . .got married. So, Kyo and Tohru will probably never come back."

"No . . ." Yuki said. He ran outside. Shigure stood up, but I insisted that I go out and talk to him instead. I tip-toed my way out onto the front porch and sat beside him. I waited until Yuki was ready.

"They're . . . never coming back. Never. I'll never get to see her smile again. I'll never have the chance to see her flustered face, or to always tell her how much I love her. I'll never get to taste one of her home cooked meals, or walk her home on dark nights after her shift is over. I'll never get to go down on one knee and ask her to marry me like I had always hoped. She's . . . gone."

"I know you're hurting, Yuki . . . I'm hurting too. We can help each other through this."

"The pain I feel can't be described in one simple word. I feel as if my future has been taken from me, the one person I could always count on. Just seeing Tohru melted everything else away . . . the past didn't seem to matter so much. And, now that she's gone, it all seems to be finding its way back inside me. I _need_ her. I need her to tell me everything will be okay and that she loves me."

"But what is love, anyway?"

"I don't know anymore. I thought I knew. I thought that love was being able to tell the truth, and meaning it. I thought that love was always being there for each other, always holding on. I don't want to let Tohru go."

"That's where you're wrong," Shigure said. We both jumped in surprise at his voice. "Love means being able to do what's best for the other person and being able to let that person go. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you're meant to be together; the person may be better off without you. If you really love Tohru, you'll be able to let her go and move on, for both your sakes."

I looked off into the horizon, shocked by this revelation. Yuki stood up and walked back into the house. Shigure came and sat beside me.

"Where did you learn that from?" I asked.

"From life experiences," he replied. Once again he looked at me. It was then, in that moment, that I saw the secret he had been hiding so well. His eyes gave it away. When he saw the expression on my face, he immediately stood up and said that he was going to call Akito, leaving me with an even bigger revelation and no chance to talk about it.

(A/N: Yes, I was tempted to end the chapter here, but I've had too many cliffhangers…you will find out soon!)

A few minutes later, Shigure rushed outside and told me to get ready for a visit to the main house. Yuki walked outside and inquired to the occasion.

"Well, I told Akito what happened with Kyo and Tohru (A/N: it hasn't been three days, if fact the entire story has been played out in two full days so far. This is the third day, now that I think about it.), and I know we agreed to wait a full three days, Kagura, but this crisis needs to be solved_ now_. Since I have the phone number where they are staying in the states, we will be calling them there. Yuki, you are also requested to come."

Yuki shivered and grew pale. "Don't worry, we are just going to do a conference call and decide what to do about this. That is all."

Yuki and I went inside, changed clothes, and freshened up. Hatori came to pick us up. The ride there was exceedingly quiet, and the atmosphere was tense. Everyone was in their own little world, on the brink of a breakdown. It was during this time that Shigure turned around and stared at me. He gave me a reassuring smile, but didn't let his guard down. I smiled back.

Hatori pulled up the main entrance, and we all entered the house slowly and quietly. _Just let this be over soon_. I couldn't bear the anxiety anymore, and neither could Yuki. He looked distraught and wounded. In my heart, I knew there would be no recovery, no outlet, no help for Yuki. If he didn't move on and let go, he might be lost after all.

Akito welcomed us in, and we all sat around the phone. Shigure dialed the number, and we all waited for Kyo-or Tohru-to pick up the phone.

"Hello? Who is it?" asked a low, slightly annoyed male voice. It was Kyo all right.

"Hi Kyo," Shigure said. "Um, how are you?"

"What do you want now?" Kyo yelled. "Told everyone already?"

"Actually, yes," Akito said. There was a gasp heard on the other end of the phone. "That is just what we wanted to talk to you about. If you could put Tohru on the other line as well, that would be fine."

I could hear another phone being picked up, followed by Tohru's chipper voice.

"Politeness and a sweet voice won't save you this time," Hatori said. "What you both did was rash and thoughtless. Think of all the people you have hurt. Why, Kagura and Yuki are both here, and I think you owe them an explanation."

"Yuki . . ." Tohru said. "I'm . . . so sorry . . . I don't know how to explain . . ."

"Why couldn't you just TELL ME? Why did you have to keep it all a secret?" Yuki cried. "Do you know how much this hurts, when my heart is in pain from your carelessness, and you don't act like anything has changed at all? How can you be so happy? HOW?"

"I'm sorry that I hurt you Yuki. I was afraid to tell you, because I knew you loved me so much."

"If you knew that I loved you so much, you should have realized that, if you wanted to move on, I would have let you. I still love you Tohru, and a part of me always will. But we both have to move on. I'm not going to wait for you and see if everything works out okay."

"But can't we just be friends? I value your friendship; I never want to lose you as a friend."

"I'm sorry, but it seems that you made your choice when you moved to America. I can't just be your friend; it's not that simple anymore. It would hurt too much. I love you, but I can't talk to you knowing that you'll never be mine. Just the thought of it is too painful to imagine." With that, Yuki remained silent.

"I . . . understand," Tohru whispered.

"As far as you two living in America goes, that is not for you to decide," Akito said coolly. We all looked towards Akito with astonishment; none of us had ever thought they would return. "You will return for three reasons: one, to end the marriage, second, to erase Tohru's memory, and finally, to lock Kyo in that special room reserved for him. There are no exceptions; this is how it must be."

"NO! I WON'T LET YOU DO THIS TO TOHRU!" Kyo screamed. "WE LOVE EACH OTHER! I'M NOT COMING BACK YOU ASSHOLE, AND NEITHER IS SHE!"

"And what about Kagura? What will she do without you?" Akito asked. All eyes turned to me as we waited for Kyo's response.

"THAT STUPID BITCH! SHE'S LISTENING ISN'T SHE!"

"Lower your voice, Kyo," Shigure requested.

"Fine!" Kyo said. "I can't believe you think that I would come back for you, Kagura. You know what? I hate you. I HATE YOU. It's that simple. Why do you hang around and wait for me? You know I could never love someone like you! You're just like my mother . . ."

"No, Kyo, you have to understand something─"

"No, YOU'RE the one who needs to understand that there will never be anything between us! I could never love you; I can't even stand to hear your voice. Just go the hell away and never bother me again. I HATE YOU!"

"Calm, down Kyo. Kagura, don't─"

_Too Late_. The words were overwhelming; I couldn't bear the full reality of the situation.

_I HATE YOU!_

I had to get up. I had to get away. I had to run.

_You're just like my mother . . ._

There was only one way out, and I had to take it. I couldn't stay in this room any longer.

_THAT STUPID BITCH!_

I covered my face with a sleeve and broke though. Shards of glass covered the floor, the grass outside, and everywhere else. I didn't care if Akito got angry; a window is easier to replace than a broken heart.

_I could never love someone like you!_

I jumped onto the grass and ran as hard as possible. I didn't look back; I couldn't. Who knew how many shocked faces there were looking after me.

_I hate you. _

_I HATE YOU._

I screamed in pain. A piece of glass was caught in my foot. _Should have remembered to put on my shoes before doing this. _I tripped over a rock and fell on the ground. My foot began to throb, and I started to cry.

"It's okay, Kagura . . . let me help─"

"NO!" I screamed in anguish. Someone wrapped their arms around me, and I fought to free myself.

"It's _me_, Kagura. I'm here to help."

I stopped and looked up. "Stay calm," Shigure said. He looked at my foot. "It's not in there too deep. I can probably pull it out now to prevent infection." He gently, but quickly, pulled the piece of glass out, and I winced in pain. Shigure turned back and looked at me. "There. All better."

"Why . . .why did you come looking for me? How is it that you always find me?"

"I never stop looking for the ones I love . . . and I will always be there to find you."

With that, Shigure smiled and finally let me see into the truth:

"I love you, Kagura. I _love_ you."

He picked me up and carried me back to the main house.

**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! I'll update again soon! And see, no cliffhangers!**


	6. Decisions

**A/N: I'm sorry it's taken so long! I've been busy lately, really really busy…this will probably be a short chapter, but hey, better than nothing.**

**Disclaimer: don't own furuba, am just a poor, pathetic teenager like any other…**

Chapter Six: Decisions

_I love you, Kagura. I_ love_ you._

Shigure carried me back to the main house while I remained frozen in his arms, mainly from shock. When we made it back to the main house, the window wasn't the only thing broken.

"What . . . what happened?" I asked, observing the broken table and several other valuable items. Yuki was crouched in a corner and averted his eyes from my gaze.

"Akito…just got a little…carried away," he stated.

"Now let's bandage up your foot," said Hatori.

While Hatori swathed my foot in bandages, Akito returned to the room. He calmly entered the room and sat down on the floor, being careful to avoid the remains of a nearby vase.

"I'm . . . sorry . . . Akito . . ."

He turned towards me and suddenly stood up. _ I shouldn't have said anything._

He walked towards me.

_I really shouldn't have said anything._

I braced myself for what was about to come. Akito raised his arm and began to swing it towards me, and I shut my eyes.

I waited . . . nothing.

_Huh? _I opened my eyes and looked up to see Hatori and Shigure holding him back.

"We have more important matters to discuss, Akito! Stop!"

Amazingly, Akito gave in and sat down. "You're right." He stared at Yuki and me. "We _do_ have more important matters to discuss."

I turned towards Yuki. Had Akito been planning something?

"Since Kyo and Tohru are obviously not willing to come back to Japan, we must go to America and convince them that this is for the best. If we can't convince them, then by force. Either way, they will be coming back."

"But who could convince them?" I asked.

"Yuki could surely convince Tohru to return, and I'm sure that you, Kagura, could do the same for Kyo."

We both stood there, dumbfounded. _Did Akito miss everything we said to each other five minutes ago? Or is he just deaf?_

"This plan will work. It is our only choice," Akito continued. "If you do not succeed, suffering will follow. So, as you now understand, there are no decisions for you to make. You will also need a responsible adult to accompany you. Shigure-go with them."

At this statement, Hatori began to mumble. "He's responsible…_sure_…"

"Well, in that case, you can accompany them as well," Akito stated. Hatori did not like that decision; he stood up and left the room, mumbling as he went.

"The necessary arrangements will be made; show up at the airport tomorrow at 12:00." Akito stood up and stood at Yuki and I. "And, if you are not careful, Kagura, soon you will have a special room reserved for yourself."

Yuki shuddered. I nodded and silently left the room.

_I heard screaming. A little boy screaming. "Who is it?" I called out. _

_The boy called out in pain. "STOP! Stop, please . . ."_

_I realized then who it was. A frail, innocent mouse . . ._

"_Yuki!" I cried out. "Where are you Yuki?"_

_The screaming grew louder as I walked towards a door. It was a room that I had never been inside before._

_I opened the door. _

"_Oh . . . my . . ." I whispered in shock. The room was completely empty, the walls bare, except for two people in the back corner. I ran over to find Yuki. "What happened?"_

_I was too late. The rat lay unconscious, bleeding on the ground. And who should turn around but . . . Akito._

"_Get out, you pig! Listen to what I say!" and he slapped me across the face._

_I stumbled out of the room and wept outside._

Tears began to stream down my face as I made my way to the car. I sat in the back and waited for the others to follow.

Who could have known that Yuki was abused so much when he was a child? He was the rat, the smart, talented, wise rat; the rat was _not_ supposed to be hurt. Of course, the adults knew; but did Kyo and Tohru? Of course not. Yuki, little by little, was slowly gaining the courage to tell her…to find acceptance…to know that she truly cared for him.

"_I will tell her soon, Kagura. Just when I'm ready."_

New tears glistened on my cheeks. Little did Yuki know…that, just when he was almost ready, he would find out that his love would run away and leave him behind. All the pain that he was bringing back to the surface, all the emotions he had been going through suddenly didn't matter anymore, because she was gone.

And, just like Akito had done, she would deny ever hurting him, because she didn't know.

All the emotions he had tried to confront…he would bury them again. I knew it. And who knew if he would ever attempt to open those wounds again…or find someone who could motivate him to try.

Hatori, Shigure, and Yuki left the main house. I wiped my eyes and put on a soft smile as Yuki sat beside me.

"Yuki," I whispered. He didn't move, and he didn't speak.

Strangely, the drive back to Shigure's house was tenser than the first. Hatori dropped us off and told us he would back tomorrow at 11:30.

I made dinner for the three of us. Shigure was up to his normal antics, but Yuki remained silent. He didn't even respond to Shigure's jokes. After eating, Yuki went upstairs and the dog remained to help me clean up the dishes.

"I understand. I'm sorry for being so forward today."

"Eh?" I said, and then I remembered: duh. When I ran away and hurt my foot.

"No, its okay," I said. "I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to reply."

"So you're sorry now?" Shigure said. I turned and looked at him as he began deciphering what I said.

"What I mean, is…I'm not sure how I feel."

He looked at me, and gave away no traces of emotion whatsoever. "So cold…you're worse than Hatori…"

Laughing it off, Shigure walked back to his office. "I'm going to work on a new manuscript. If you need me, I'll be in here." With that, he turned and left the kitchen.

_If I need you. Shigure…_

I dried the dishes and put them away. I grabbed a sweater and walked outside.

So much had happened today. What could be made of it? How could anyone decide?

_And Yuki…what would Yuki do when he saw Tohru again? _

I looked towards the roof and saw Yuki perched on top, sitting where Kyo usually rested after a long day at school.

_What could be made of anything now?_

He curled up in a ball and began to weep.

_And the days are not full enough_

_And the nights are not full enough_

_And life slips by like a field mouse_

_Not shaking the grass._

**A/N: The poem is called "And the days are not full enough" by Ezra Pound. Good, eh? Please, PLEASE REVIEW! I will be updating soon, I promise! Tell me what you think!**


	7. Destinations

**A/N: So, here I am again for another chapter! I don't know how much longer the story will last. I really need reviews, opinions help when going through writer's block! And the poem at the beginning of this chapter, it's by Emily Dickinson (oh I love her poems….they really are better than they're made out to be).**

**Disclaimer: Don't own furuba…duh…..**

Chapter 7: Destinations

_Pain has an element of blank;_

_It cannot recollect_

_When it began, or if there were_

_A day when it was not._

_It has no future but itself,_

_Its infinite realms contain_

_Its past, enlightened to perceive_

_New periods of pain._

I changed my mind about taking a walk and decided to return inside. Honestly, hearing Yuki cry on the rooftop was simply an unbearable sound. The agony carried from his mouth to my ears and rested in the depths of my heart. It seemed as though we were one and the same, sharing the same pain and heartbreak.

Entering the house, I walked past Shigure's office. I stopped outside the door as I had only one day ago.

"_If you need me, I'll be in here."_

I raised my hand to knock on the door, but some force within caused me to hold my fist in mid-air. I stood there for five minutes, deciding whether or not to talk to him.

My thoughts were broken by the ringing of the phone. I ran and picked it up. "Hello, Sohma residence."

"Hello," said a dull, monotonous voice. "This is Saki Hanajima. Is Tohru available?"

I gasped and tried my hardest not to cry. As a result, I could not find the strength to speak.

"I know it's late, but she promised that she would meet Uo and me at the park, and when she never came, I realized that something had happened to my dear Tohru. Is she asleep?"

Every fiber in my body was screaming, "Tell her the truth. She's her friend; she needs to know that Tohru may never be coming back." But I could not bring myself to speak.

"There is pain, I see."

With that, I hung up the phone and went upstairs to sleep.

I changed into my kitty-cat pajamas. Just looking at them made me want to cry; I mean, it hurts to miss someone, but the hurt increases when simple belongings become a reminder of the person. Crawling into bed, I pulled the sheets over my body and turned off the light. I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to fall into a motionless state of mind.

But I didn't really sleep. Shutting my eyes reminded me of everything that had happened, but opening them only seemed to reaffirm all that I was thinking. At 2:00 in the morning, I finally gave up and climbed up to the roof. Yuki was still sitting there, but he was no longer crying. I sat next to him, and we both remained silent for a very long time.

"So . . . do you really want to see Kyo again?" Yuki finally asked.

"I'm not sure . . . I'm not sure how I feel about him, or anything anymore. Not after today, anyway," I said. Yuki nodded in response. "It doesn't seem like I have much of a choice, though."

Silence again. The moon shone bright, and the air was cold and crisp with the season of autumn. "I guess . . . you're feeling the same, Yuki-kun?"

A single tear fell down his face. "That's just it." He turned towards me with an explanation. "I know how I feel, and I can't face her. It will simply be too painful."

"Why?"

"Because . . . I still love her. Even after all she has done. I still care for her."

I gave him a hug and we continued to sit in silence. Eventually, the sun rose, and we realized it was time to pack and get ready for the trip.

"I'll pack my things and meet you downstairs for breakfast," I told him. "Don't worry, I'll cook for the three of us. We all need strength for the flight."

Thank goodness I always packed enough clothes to last me for weeks. I had just finished our laundry yesterday morning, so all of my clothes were clean. I placed my jumpers, turtlenecks, and the rest in my suitcase. I looked at my kitty-cat backpack.

"Maybe . . . Tohru will like it . . ." I stuffed it in my bag and went downstairs.

Before making breakfast, there was one more matter that had to be attended to: telling my mother. I called her and explained.

"Well, you can't very well go against Akito's orders. I'll give Hatori some money for you, and don't be afraid to call if you need anything. I love you, and please be careful!"

"I will, mother. I love you too. Bye."

I started preparing breakfast. Yuki came downstairs a few minutes later with his luggage. "I'm going to take some money out of mine and Shigure's saving accounts this morning. I'll be back in time for breakfast." With that, he was out the door, and I continued cooking.

_I'm so nervous . . . what's going to happen?_

"What's . . ."

"…that sad face for?"

I yelped. Shigure had sneaked up behind me. I smiled and said "Nothing. Yuki will be back soon; he went to the bank. The food is almost ready. Do you have everything packed?"

"Yes . . .I stayed up all night writing." _Funny, he looks like a rested man with a full twelve hours of sleep and coffee to boot. Are all writers that nocturnal? _

"Oh, is that for me?" he asked as he noticed the coffee brewing. "I didn't know I had coffee mix in my house!"

"_You_ don't need coffee."

"Oh, but I'm _so_ tired," he said, trying his best to let out a fake yawn. I giggled in spite of how sad I felt. At that moment, Yuki entered the kitchen.

"You're just in time. Breakfast is ready."

We all sat down at the table. "So, Yuki, Kagura said you went to the bank?"

"Yes. We both need money for this trip."

"Oh, so you robbed a bank! How exciting!" Shigure exclaimed. However, his smile soon turned to a frown. "I can't believe you didn't tell me! I should call Aaya and tell him about this-"

"Stop being such an idiot. You know we have savings accounts there."

They continued to bicker, and I observed the commotion. Shigure seemed so relaxed, so care-free. It was as if nothing bothered him, as if yesterday had never happened and we weren't really being forced to go on this trip.

_An exterior built . . . to hide the pain within . . ._

After finishing breakfast, I cleaned the dishes and brought my luggage downstairs. Hatori arrived soon after.

"Tori-san! You're early!" Shigure yelled, running up to the dragon and shaking him by the shoulders.

"You're not seriously considering wearing _that_ . . . are you, Shigure?" Hatori replied. "A kimono is not appropriate for wearing to America. You know this."

"Is that why you came early?" Shigure asked.

"Just change, and make sure you pack suitable clothes. I know you own more than kimonos."

With that, Shigure changed into a suit and, as a result, looked very much like Hatori. _They could almost pass for brothers._

We all piled our luggage into the car and left for the airport. Hatori handed me an envelope. "From your mother," he stated. I nodded and placed the envelope in my purse.

As expected, the ride to the airport was incredibly quiet, except for Shigure's whimsical remarks. "Do you think we'll get to meet any high-school girls in America?" he whined.

Hatori sighed and continued to drive. When we finally arrived at the airport, Hatori handed us the tickets, and we went through security. After a long, gruesome wait for Shigure (he forgot that contraband, such as food, was not allowed in suitcases) we all walked down the long hall to the plane.

Stepping upon the plane, I looked at my homeland one last time. No matter what would happen or where I would go . . . there was no turning back. Life as I knew it may never be the same.

**A/N: Okay, what did you think? I need opinions! And a new twist will be coming really soon, so it's gonna get even more complicated! **


	8. Confusion

**A/N: I've noticed that my story has gone off-track with what it was in the beginning. This chapter brings those memories back up again. The poem at the beginning is called "Moment" by Adam Zagajewski. And the poem in Kagura's dream . . .that's MINE. DON'T STEAL, IT'S NOT BECOMING AND I WILL GET YOU. Get _MY_ permission if you actually want to use it in a story somewhere. As with the title, it was too obvious at first…think about symbolism. It's all there.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own furuba**

Chapter Eight: Confusion

_Clear moments are so short._

_There is much more darkness. More_

_ocean than land. More_

_shadow than form._

I entered the plane with Shigure and the others. Now it was time to decide who we would sit with.

"I'll sit with Kagura," Shigure stated, and dragged me off to the other side of the seating area, leaving Hatori and Yuki by themselves.

He sat down by the window, and I turned and looked at him. "Why did you do that?" I asked.

Shigure looked at me. The light from the windows poured in and danced across his face, highlighting his facial features. In the light, those cold, grey eyes that seemed so distant and hurt a day ago became playful and happy. With a big, goofy grin, he could fool everyone but me.

"You don't have to play the fool anymore," I stated. "I've already seen your coldness." For a moment, his eyes returned to their frosty state: remote, indifferent, and unbelievably bitter. And to think, it was still autumn…

"We need to talk," Shigure said. The plane prepared to take off and I looked out the window. "About what?" I asked. "You're the one who decided to ignore what you so clearly said yesterday."

Shigure grabbed my purse. "You're not carrying your usual kitty-cat backpack."

_Maybe…Tohru will like it…_

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has everything to do with it. At least, what I want to talk to you about." He stared at me, and those eyes which were once deep and hollow became concerned and filled with curiosity.

"Stop staring at me like that. You're creeping me out."

"Good. I want to creep you out," he said. I looked at him like he was a madman. I had never seen this side of Shigure before. "It's the only way I'll get the truth out of you."

"The truth? What do you want to know?"

"Are you . . . moving on?" he asked. That question shocked me; I sat there speechless and stared straight ahead.

"Kagura, please, don't shut me out," he begged. "This is a question that I need an answer to. I'm not ignoring what happened anymore, and I know that I have many faces. I need to know what's going through your mind."

"You know . . . what Akito said . . . _you_ know . . . what I've seen . . ."

"But Kagura-"

"I can't bear the thought of Yuki being locked up in that room again, bleeding to death," I whispered. "If I have to suffer the same fate, I don't know how I'll survive."

"But if Akito wasn't a deciding factor, then how would you feel?" Shigure asked. There was no getting off this subject; he wanted a yes or no.

"I'm moving on . . . I think that a part of me will always care for Kyo, but I know his heart lies with someone else. So I don't know what I'll do to make Kyo come back to Japan, or leave Tohru for that matter."

"What if you didn't have to force him?" the dog asked. His eyebrows were fully raised and his gray eyes were filled with a secret that I needed to hear. "What if . . . you didn't have to return to Asia?"

I closed my eyes and a million thoughts flashed through at once. If I didn't go back? That wasn't even an option! I couldn't leave my mother, and I couldn't drop out of school. I couldn't leave my life behind and start another.

"I don't think I could do that."

Shigure took my hand. I looked up into those grey eyes of his: cold as ice at one moment and suddenly a warm ray of sunshine. _And that confuses me to no end . . . who is the real Shigure?_

"Whatever happens, I'll look out for you. I'll protect you; I won't let Akito hurt you. If you're moving on, then . . . maybe our relationship can grow."

At that moment, a letter fell out of my purse.

"What's this?" Shigure asked.

_Oh, no . . . a letter . . . _that_ letter . . . _

He opened the paper and read it. "So, you're still carrying _this_ with you?"

_Crap . . . and we've only been sitting by each other for ten minutes . . ._

"Kagura, I need to know the truth."

"And so do I."

Those cold, grey spheres turned to narrow slits. "What are you talking about?"

"Who is the real Shigure?" I asked. He looked taken aback and let go of my hand. "How can you expect me to love you when your personality is constantly changing?"

For this question, I received no answer; the dog simply looked away and turned towards the window.

"What are you hiding, Shigure?" I demanded. "Are you really that cold? Do you want me to believe that?"

He shook his head, but didn't look at me.

"Then what _do_ you want me to believe?"

He continued to stare out the window, and the cold, hard eyes remained in deep thought as I spoke.

"Give me something to believe in . . . Shigure . . . _please_ . . ."

"Go away," he said, tensing up. "Switch seats with Hatori."

I almost refused, but I didn't want to cause a scene. I took my purse, placed the letter back inside, and walked over to Hatori.

"Shigure wants to talk to you," I told him.

"Fine," Hatori stated, and he switched places with me. Yuki remained quiet when I sat down, the deep purple chasms lost in his own reflections.

"What are you thinking?"

"Why . . . am I on this plane . . . why . . . did I make myself so vulnerable? And why did you and Hatori switch seats?"

"It's a long story. But, basically, he found this," I said, and pulled the worn, faded letter out of my purse.

"I didn't know you still had that. Why would that make Shigure so angry as to push you away?"

"It's hard to explain. I don't think you've even noticed."

"What, that Shigure loves you?"

I froze. _How in the world did he know?_

"The way he always runs after you, and when he dragged you off to other side of the seats . . . it's obvious. What, did you not see it before now?"

"No . . .he told me yesterday."

"Did you ever give him a response?"

"No, not really. I'm so confused." I placed my head in my hands and sighed. Yuki, however, was not so sympathetic.

"With what?" Yuki asked. "With this letter? Are you so obsessed with the wishes of a long-deceased woman that you forgot how to love on your own terms? How to feel for yourself?"

I kept my head in my hands. Yuki grabbed me by the shoulders and forced me to look into those deep, somewhat fiery purple eyes of his. His mouth was closed tight and he looked on the edge of exploding.

"You can't protect Kyo anymore. You know this; you've known this for a long time. You did the best you could, but don't you think it's time to let go?"

I felt like screaming, but something held me back. Losing Kyo was enough; the fact that I could no longer protect him was even more painful, and until now I had done a good job of keeping that under wraps. Half of me wanted to believe he was wrong, to keep on protecting Kyo no matter what; but, the other half knew that what Yuki was saying was undeniably true.

"I haven't really been thinking about that . . . to be honest, I still feel like it's my job even when Kyo isn't around me. That's probably why that part hasn't affected me as much. At least, not yet."

"But what will you do when you see Kyo again and realize that he has found someone else to protect him?"

"And what will you do when you realize that person is still the woman you love?"

Yuki didn't respond. He reacted the same way Shigure had five minutes ago; the rat turned away and looked out the window. _Maybe this is my cue. . . _

"I'm going to go to the restroom," I said, and I got up to leave. Yuki emitted no response verbally or physically. _I guess I hurt him more than I thought._

Suddenly, I realized something very crucial about going to the restroom: finding one. Where the restroom was on this plane remained a mystery. I made my way around the back and started searching. _Well, considering I didn't really need to go to the restroom, maybe I can just stand back here until Yuki cools off._

"And that's why you made me switch seats with Kagura. I should have known."

I jumped at the sound of Hatori's voice. Then I realized something else: Hatori and Shigure _were_, in fact, sitting near the back. I crouched behind the very back seat and continued listening.

"If you would have been there, Hatori . . .if you would have been heard what she said, maybe you would understand."

"Well, if you hadn't started off at a sprint with Kagura behind you, maybe Yuki and I would have been able to catch up."

"I guess I . . . didn't think about that at the moment."

"So she figured it out . . . I'm not surprised. Kagura's a smart girl."

"Oh, she didn't figure it _all_ out . . . she just tapped the surface."

"But, Shigure, you have to face it: she _did_ uncover your weakness. Or, should I say, your greatest flaw."

"My coldness, you mean? Oh, you know that isn't my greatest secret, though."

"If you ever hope for her to love you, you'll have to tell her. You might be able to win her over with your off-and-on personality and playful nature, but if you want a real connection, you'll have to be honest with her."

"Do you realize how hard it will be? To tell her what I've been trying for so long to forget?"

"You know that it would be good to talk to someone about that besides me. Kagura has a very protective nature . . . she would look after you. And you know you still struggle."

"I . . . love her so much. I've felt this way for so long, that I can't contain it anymore. Ever since I was young . . . I always felt a need to watch over her . . . but it grew into something else. And watching her, needing to protect Kyo . . . it reminds me of, well, myself, but it also breaks my heart. I've loved her since the beginning of time, yet she seems compelled to love someone who will never love her back."

With that, I backed away. _What am I supposed to do?_

I walked back to my seat and fell asleep next to Yuki.

_Blood, crimson blood_

_This endless ecstasy _

_Running from my veins_

_Trailing down my arms_

_It's way too late to stop_

_I'm too far in this time_

_Drowning in my numbness_

_Falling into the darkness_

_Please, stay by my side_

_I need someone near_

_To hear my goodbyes_

_While the silence fades away._

I jumped out, both startled and confused at the same time. _Where is that poem from?_

Then I realized: Shigure. A poem from one of the few books he wrote with substance. _But still . . . it makes me wonder . . ._

Suddenly, I heard the flight attendant telling everyone to buckle up for landing. _WHAT! HOW LONG DID I SLEEP?_

"Oh, hello Kagura," Yuki said. "You've been sleeping for most of the flight."

"Really? Why didn't you wake me?"

"You looked like you needed the rest."

"Oh . . . thanks. You ready for this?"

"No . . . but I don't think there will ever be a time when I will be." We started landing and I felt the pressure of gravity again. Suddenly, I felt even more tired.

"Thank you for flying with us, and please enjoy your stay in New York City!"

I grabbed my purse and prepared to get off the plane. Yuki gave me an affirming look with his now kind, gentle eyes, and I returned the expression.

"Let's go!" chimed Shigure as he ran off the plane. "It's now or never!"

I took the stairs off the plane and followed the others through the hall and out into the open. "Finally . . ." I said.

"Don't be so quick to say that," Hatori said. I looked at him, then at the crowd. Shigure looked happy, Hatori seemed embarrassed, and Yuki looked shocked.

"Oh . . . my . . . God. What are YOU doing here?"

**A/N: Sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger. You're free to guess as to who it may be! I will update soon!**


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